Pieces 

I’m four doors down, memories of the sweet things we did in this house now taste so beautifully sweet and sour, so many memories haunting the glass walls of my already failing memory bank.

Three doors down, three hours later. Midnight looming. I’m as blank as I can ever get. There is nothing in here. Not the ghosts of us. Not so much as a thought of your smile. We’re stuck somewhere between a Friend and Foe. Where did all I want to say run away to? 

Two doors down, I’ve never seen you cry. Old friend, in your sweet time, I’d thought we’d share a good good bye or maybe never have to say good bye. Can I wipe your eyes? Which marathon track confused my words, will they be enough to cover up the wounds?

One door down and all I’d ask is why you’d only want to give me faith when all I want is you. I came all the way down the path of this journey, the path of your daring heart, not for faith. I just want truth. Proof. You.

My heart’s here, plastered all over the walls of this beautiful brick makeshift. It won’t stop three doors down there, not four doors down. It isn’t there to begin with.

Feet, oh my feet, don’t fail me. Hands, oh my hands, don’t fail me. This heart of mine, who shall collect it and place it back into this now empty and freezing vacuum? 

I’m here. Bleeding hands. Raining eyes. Stormy and flighty feet. Heavy laden with the silence. The cold cold stares, I can’t afford them. I’m broken, can’t you see? Collect me. Warm me. Break me maybe, maybe some other day. Today though. Collect me, my bloody pieces, littered all over the rosy garden of your beautiful mind, mend this heart with the bright glimmer in your eye.

I heard the song on the tip of your soul’s tongue, it’s all I want to hear. Sing me to sleep. Lend me a little bit of your trust. Only for tonight. Only for tonight.

Your Hiding Place

Your hiding place, Oh Lord
brings chains to the fire of your glory
Into the golden of your beautiful garden
All accusations against me turn into praises

Your hiding place, Oh Lord
Brings limits into the golden of your light
In the brightness of Your countenance
Everything and anything bows
To proclaim that you alone are God

Your hiding place, Oh Lord
Is to me as a brook is to the panting deer
The beauty of your light and love
Overwhelm my anxieties, fears and worries
I shall never want

Your hiding place, Oh Lord
Draws my enemies away from me to you
Their pursuits against me fail
As long as you are on the throne
And I’m stuck gazing at your glory

In Your hiding place, Oh Lord
I’m fed and nurtured
Fed off the fountain of life
Which makes all things NEW
Brought into Your fold and warmest embrace
And I shall wander no more
My thirst forever quenched

Your hiding place, Oh Lord
Is the safest place for me to ever be

The Side-Dish Theory

Love – what is love? isn’t this the 21st-century question? Doesn’t ‘LOVE’ feel like it’s heaven sent, then it rides or crawls through hell for a lot longer than it is ever enjoyable? Yes? I feel you. So, here goes.

True love (or the real soul mate business) is simply based on these three pillars; accepting love, submission and honour. For any relationship to flourish, a man has got to love his woman. The lady, in turn, submits to the man. When she submits to her man, she honours him. And we all know how hard it is to submit to something you have not accepted.

The Josh Agaba side-dish theory is based on a single assumption; the man loves the woman.

Let the main chick be A. The side dish will be, B.

  • The man loves A, this love that he offers is a sweet scent/Incense. But A doesn’t accept his love and It goes unused or unclaimed. Maybe because she thinks he loves her too much, maybe.
  • The frustration then builds, the man will start acting like a boy in a topless bar. As he continues on with his travels, he meets B, there’s a spark and they try not to ignite the flame, but they nurse the flame long enough.
  • B notices this unused resource and she wants it for herself. She decides to do everything there is for her to do so she can taste or be adorned by this love. To have and own it. Before long, B will accept this love that was originally meant for A. B will then submit and honour ‘their’ man.

Once the deed is done, B will be adorned by this sweet scent (love) that had originally been meant for A. This scent will embed itself in B‘s DNA (this is when the soul-mates theory is thrown into the mix), there will be nothing left for the man to offer A. The dilemma here is, he’ll still be with A and he’ll have his other side business with B.

A will believe he cheated. Did he?

A will fight for him like she owns him, she won’t know how she had negligently given B express access to what was hers in the first place.  And just like that, A played the losing game and may forever be the victim of her actions.

Side note: Dear A, do you remember the day that he came back home and you knew something was off? Is it too late to tell you sorry? Maybe

*Opens comments section*

 

Nirvana

Nirvana is where this frail body finds itself every time it gets wrapped up in the soft and enduring warm embrace of you.

You know, I’m a superman thanks to you, you kissed away my problems when I went insane. I’m getting drunk off listening to this song as I scroll through all our selfies.

Come on, let’s dance in the rain. Give not a care, we’ll have each other to shiver against. Snuggle into me, let the waves of this reggae ballad ride off into the sunset with the wind. Let me ride this out with you till the sky turns gray.

I will be there when you need someone to run with
I will be there when you need someone to dance with
I’m your lover till the sky turn gray girl
Cause you’re beautiful baby

Love,
J

Sold Out

Dear you,

I’m always writing. You hate it sometimes, it robs us of more time we could use to sneak away into the abyss of our intertwined hearts. But lately, I love that you don’t mind anymore. I’m pretty sure you’d never read any of the stuff I write.

I could scream every word known to man but nothing can ever compete with the fact that ‘YOU’ frightens me. I need to understand why when I hold you, I become weak at the taste of what we could create together. My heart strains to taste the beauty that my ears are treated to whenever you whisper. My inner being is burned out at your altar of selflessness, I’m as sold out to you as a lamb ready for sacrifice. But you still see through it all and choose to hold onto me like I’m the anchor your mama told you to never let go of.

I remember not so long ago, someone I knew then, loved me like as if I had a bounty on my head that I didn’t know of. Trying to make me feel small any chance they got. But you, you smile at me with your beautiful and watery eyes every night, kiss away all my scars past.

Last night you, you held my hand and gaze. For a minute I thought you were really going to walk out on me. I shouldn’t have written about us and published the stories for the whole world to see (I thought you’d never know anyway). Then you surprised me, by reciting my letters one by one. It was so beautiful to watch you break down, laugh and shake from all the pleasure you got from watching my very stunned self.

If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Yours in love
J

Just You

Dear you,

I’ve had a really (already) long day and nothing is as fulfilling as the surge of adrenaline I feel right now as I write this, memories of us re-Gene-rating my already fading enthusiasm for the day.

I didn’t write to tell you about how UMEME almost spoiled my day, I want to tell you now about how I poem my words around you sometimes. I sing notes in every song as I try to wrap the melody around the intoxication of you.

I love how you stare at me every time words fail you, searching for the right words to say and almost instantly, scrolls start unfolding in your eyes as they spill all the desires of your heart with every single breath you take. I watch your heaving chest as you labor on and I can’t seem to keep myself from smiling all too hard. Oh, how my blood boils in anticipation for the moment you’ll pounce and devour me like your prey.

Sigh***

Dear you,

Tonight I’ll install each and every byte of your loveliness in my heart. You are the sedation I’d ever need. Keep me in a trance and trap me in your vast heart. Tie me down and I’ll never leave.

Forever and Always
J.

No

I the coward I had always been
Thought you were my saving grace
How wrong could I have been?
I looked past it all
It was written all over your face
Like a helpless mouse
You felt trapped
Blackmailed into staying

Now I have myself to blame
For having way too much faith
In who you could have been
I know you won’t read this
It is indeed pretentious

From the date go,
You always searched
But never failed
For the smallest of holes
Slowly
Masterfully
You plotted your escape
Perfectly you slipped through
And fled into the night

Funny
How I still want to miss you
But I don’t
Paradox?
How I miss your properly garnered mischief
How I fell so hard for the evil in you
Your venom stings so deep in my heart

Now that I have tarnished
This version of myself
Fashioned by the approval of others
By my insecurities
I have bled enough from these thorns
I could have sworn I saw more thorns,
Than there were roses
You saw the light in my eyes
You lit me up
With a rage
I never need put out

And yes,
I don’t have to need you!

Image: http://goo.gl/gJo8WN